Dark Star

By- Traci Taylor
January 2017

Circling around and around
expecting the same result
without changing a step
learning that’s how hearts
are broken

Choosing to continue on
is the story of a true warrior
that finds hope even
when the world feels dark
and your soul feels lost

Reaching so far out
that your body loses control
and you almost slip off the ledge
that leads you back to the place
where you feel weighted down
too broken to exist
questioning how people find the sun
when all you feel is rain

Speaking in metaphors
and broken sentences
is sometimes easier
than speaking the words
that grow deep-rooted,
full of gloom in your mind

Still desiring to loath the cynics
but the surrounding world
is making it hard for a romantic
to hold out for the hope
that once burned so brightly within

Dreamers march on
believing that the sun will rise again
and the darkness they feel will fade
the real heroes in this lifetime
are the ones who still believe in love
even in a world full of hate

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Fallen a part.

By: Traci Taylor
Written in 2011, edited in 2012

I look to my left. Nothing. I look down and begin to realize what exactly happened the night before. It takes a lot of recollection to even fathom the events. It is hard to believe I have woken up naked on this couch every morning for the past week or two. My life was never at this rock bottom, for a consistent time at least. I would blame it on the drug addiction and alcohol problem but I usually consider that an addicts easy way out instead of pin pointing the real issue.
Truth is, this past year I have done some self realization. None of that Buddhist or any other religious bull shit. Just regular inner thoughts and self coping. I think what I discovered about how fucked up my life actually is drove me to try to self medicate. Not that I am saying that is acceptable, it is just the route I took. I can barely look my own family in the eyes. They have no idea how bad everything has fallen a part in the past couple of months. The only people that really know are a few buddies of mine. Truly they don’t even know the details of every story though. The majority of things that I experience in my life I feel too embarrassed to even admit to my best friend.
Self disclosure aside- I am still trying to piece together last night. It all started with a phone call from this chick I had been trying to get together with for awhile. We met up for a drink or five. My memory is a bit shaky. I remember the bar and the first few drinks. For that time span I remember picturing how sexy she would look once I convinced her to spend the night at my apartment. With my charm I would assume that is how it went down. Confidence aside, waking up naked also leads me to believe that is true. Considering my weed stash seems incredibly low I know smoking was involved.

SIDE NOTE: The story wasn’t doing anything for me- I started it and didn’t continue. The beginning of it I cherish so I wanted to post it among my portfolio.