**Note from the author: Sometimes fear is more than just being afraid of creepy crawlers or feeling claustrophobic in a tight space. Often certain events in our lives make us afraid to move forward or pursue things that might not work out. The fear of the unknown can prevent a future of possible happiness. I chose to write about the perspective to help look at the bigger picture of life and what opportunities could exist if we didn’t let the fearfulness devour our thoughts.
By- Traci Taylor
Live, Thrive, & Be Vulnerable series
Defining fear is seemingly impossible since it ultimately depends upon the individual’s mindset. Everyone is afraid of something; it is a part of being human (for those that claim otherwise they are either liars or sociopaths). Learning to give into fear is just a step of accepting and overcoming obstacles in life. Now, not all specific fears are ones that can be conquered easily (small spaces, snakes, spiders, etc.). The fears of vulnerability, loving again, failure, etc. are more reasonably eliminated after looking at them from a different perspective. After all sometimes the fear is built upon a narrow minded mentality.
There are few things in life that are more frightening than being vulnerable to another person or situation. No one likes to feel exposed without knowing what will come next. It is something I am still working on, and I realize an abundant amount of trust issues is often my own worst enemy. Through recent years I have tried to understand the power of vulnerability and how much happiness it can end up bringing despite how intimidating it feels to open up completely.
Thinking of all the negative outcomes is easier than being able to create what would happen if things worked out right (having low expectations leads to fewer disappoints, so I’ve learned). In order to develop as human beings, learning how to be vulnerable is vital. Without taking chances, and opening up to others there is no room for self growth.
Being vulnerable can also provide the chance to discover more about the person you are and create a stronger self love. When I was drinking I was choosing to avoid the fear of vulnerability by numbing everything out. It wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom that I took a step back to see I wasn’t protecting myself by masking the fear, I was actually causing harm. I knew then it was time to make drastic changes and I needed to face being vulnerable through sobriety instead of behind a mask of alcohol. Letting the greater fear of vulnerability rule only harms the individuals chance to discover more about themselves. The fear is in control and prevents the possibility of new experiences.
Heartbreak occurs in various forms, and it’s never an easy thing to go through. Tears are shed, beers are consumed, and cookies are devoured. The heart may ache for more than just losing a significant other; it could be someone close passing away as well. Either way it’s devastating. When people that were once a big part of life leave, it’s hard to manage that void. Often bitterness ends up filling the hole and a fear of not being able to trust again takes over.
It is inevitable that people will end up hurting one another, but that needs to be realized and let go. Issues of trust will end up consuming and destroying any sort of hope for others to come into your life. Penalizing the future for the past is counterproductive. Realize the fear, take note of its existence, and move forward. Most times that fear is just simply a hesitation of a made up belief that history might repeat itself. Learn to be aware that heartbreaks are unavoidable, but love can only happen again if you let it.
Without failure there would be no success. So what is it about the trials of failure that make it so frightening? Personally, I’m terrified of failure it is next in line above my fear of the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz (yes I had a reoccurring nightmare as a kid that the lion would come into my room and take me away). When someone has big dreams for their future, it is a scary thing to think of that future not working out as imagined.
I speak of failure in a broader sense, not in losing a game or failing a math test (both of which I’ve gone through multiple times). Being afraid that the future may not go as planned seems to create hesitation in pursuing dreams in fear of failure. That thought is not only scary, but really just sad. Quickly when those thoughts come to mind, it’s important to take a breath and a few steps back. For years I’ve tried to live by these words, “high standards with low expectations” it proves to lessen any hurt of disappointment that failure brings on. Letting fear of failure consume you will only end up with having that one track mind of failure instead of success. The only way to succeed is through trial and error.
Each day can seem like a struggle, but when the day is finally done it ends up being an accomplishment. Fear can be as constant of a burden as anything else that life has put along the path. Being able to find the courage and strength to deal with things that are frightening in the moment only builds character for the person you will be tomorrow. Living a life filled with fear that ultimately only holds you back from endless possibilities will end up being a life filled with regret. Life is not fair and it is far from easy. When fear is the blockade to your happiness remember the bumps in the road are only temporary. Allowing fear to consume you prevents the chance of taking risks and having those risks transform into a bright future. As scary as life can get, keep in mind that rainstorms often result in blooming beds of vibrant flowers.