Live, Thrive, & Be Vulnerable: Break-Ups

**Note from the author: I am starting a short story series that will be posted weekly. The topics I will  be writing about are relatable life topics and are all about vulnerability. With this series I will not be holding back and the stories may get intense (that is the point to being vulnerable). My one hope, something I always wish for, is that the readers get the most out of how real these stories will be. Enjoy, and always feel free to reach out- there’s nothing more I enjoy than finding a connection through written word.

By- Traci Taylor
December 2014
Live, Thrive, & Be Vulnerable series.

The feeling of a broken heart is perhaps the most intense, short lived, feeling of sadness we endure as human beings. Ultimately there is no way to really describe in one sentence the emotions of a break up, other than saying it is the polar opposite of falling in love.

Everyone will tell you that” in due time you will get through this,” or “they will realize what they lost, it’ll be okay in the end”. Intellectually you are aware of that, but emotionally it seems like a crippling thought. What a lot of people forget when break ups happen is that you are not alone and plenty of people (including yourself) have been in this position before.

This is the time when it is acceptable to be sad and eat your weight in pizza or ice cream. Just keep in mind that it is “OK” to be sad for however long you feel that way. The only thing that needs to stop after a month is the indulgence of massive amounts of food. Try not to lose your health along with the broken heart.

What I will not recommend is drinking your sorrows away. Getting together with friends for a beer or glass of wine is great. Socializing is an important step back to happiness after the end of a relationship.

Alcohol is not the answer to your broken heart, and I say that with experience. For the critics that have a wrinkled brow because of my age, no need to fret, I will explain in the upcoming paragraphs.

Once upon a time, not too long ago, I was a drunk beginning at age 14. The past couple of months I have abstained from alcohol and it was mainly because of a difficult break up I was going through. A person I had been with for almost a year ended the relationship we were in, and I did not take it well at all. She was my best friend, and despite knowing we weren’t working it really hit me hard.

After she left my apartment and we returned keys I walked right to the liquor store. At this point my alcoholism was already progressing rapidly without the majority of people’s knowledge (also the depression I was internally struggling with). I got to the liquor store with a plan to drink myself into oblivion. Jack Daniels and Black Box were my choices. There were no other options I could see that were logical; I just wanted to be numb from the sadness.

I arrived back to my apartment, but had already taken a swig from the Jack on my walk home. It was still early afternoon at this point, but I just kept the drinks flowing all night long. Thoughts of being alone, and being without her kept racing through my head. I truly couldn’t bear what was going on in my own mind, so I chose to bury it with booze. In that moment, I was hoping I wouldn’t wake up to see the next day.

Then the morning came, and I was disgusted with myself. The drinking didn’t end there. My heart still felt wounded, so I started drinking again except I added a bottle of pills to the mix. I had one thing in mind and I didn’t want to look back.

My plan ended up failing, and a friend near to my heart was concerned with how I was talking to her through text message. Truthfully she had ever right to be concerned. I had let the depression and alcoholism eat away at the person I really was. For me I didn’t see any other option because I felt everything was crumbling around me. Break ups can be tough, especially when you battle with an alcohol addiction added with a dash of depression.

Thankfully my mind was much clearer the following day, I self proclaimed sobriety, and decided to seek out therapy. Break ups have all different ranges of intensity. Unfortunately my latest experience was my rock bottom. I was lucky enough to pull through it, and really change my life around. To this day I have nothing but gratitude for my ex. If she didn’t end our relationship, I probably wouldn’t have gotten my life together.

Of course these things are easier said than done. It took me months, and for most people it can be longer. The important thing to remember during your time of heartache is that it will get better; there is just no guarantee of when. Love is both a cruel and beautiful thing. Having someone that makes you a happier person is the goal, but accepting that the love has dwindled into misery is tough. Every dawn brings a new day. Remember in the darkness of heartache that love will happen again.

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